First of all, this is both the best and worst idea I’ve ever had.  If I never have to count out 5-7-5 in my life again, I’ll be happy.  As shown below, some of you either need a lesson in counting or a lesson in syllables.

But overall, this contest did produce some pretty enjoyable haiku. Before we get to the big winners, here are a few I really liked. Unfortunately, while I liked your haiku, you receive nothing but the satisfaction of having it put up here on the front page.

I will gladly pour
another if someone would
kindly help me stand

Don’t let Scotty win
He’ll just trade it up again
Please give one to Ben
Ben Cowan

World ending rapture
temporarily delayed
Jesus Loves Dark Lord

The saddest guy at
Dark Lord Day did not hold his
Stout from the bottom
Lana Schroeder

A rule to live by:
Don’t poop on the brewpub floor.
We know who you are.
Alyson Campbell

One beer, one water
Pace yourself to last the day
Don’t hurl in the line
Colleen Goodman

And finally, one kiss-ass:

Dark Lord Day was great
I hung out with Mike Sweeney
He is the coolest
Brett Swanstrom

Funny (But need to learn about syllables)
My anti-Bud Light
and the Chuck Norris of beer.
Would I dare open it?

On this day night
My friend asks to watch having sex
For dark lord not allowed

The taste is pleasing
My tongue, its willing mistress
I fear no darkness
Brad Mock

Your haunting legend
Stirs my soul as I await
My dance with darkness
Derek Wakeman

This yearly spring rite
Brings beer lovers to unite
Seeking dark delight
Adam Kaiser

Your depths pervade me
Oh Darkest Lord, my master.
What is thy bidding?
Evan Figg

dark chocolate sludge
vanilla perestroika
t’ain’t your mother’s stout.
Marie Lewis

Altar in Munster
Pilgrims sip on fulfillment
Oh Lord, I have faith
Stephanie Richter

Resurrection nigh
The Russian demon awaits
Annual rebirth
Robert Pesold

The earth trembles, weeps.
In spring reborn; now laid waste,
The Dark Lord risen.
Jeremy Strzynski

Once in waxy sleep,
now pours black as winter’s night
the Dark Lord wakens
Paul Banister


The winner of the 2008 bottle incorporated not only the best spirit of this contest, but also the best imagery as well.

the Dark Lord cometh!
adumbral flowing river
such lingual delight
Clark Sturdevant

While not the most creative, the winner of the 2009 bottle gets extra credit for writing the haiku in Japanese and then translating it back to English.

黒い卿 (くろいきょう)
Wicked, black, Dark Lord
年一度ダメ (ねんいちどだめ)
Once a year is not enough
一緒飲もう (いっしょのもう)
Let’s drink together
Benn Overkamp

The winner of the 2010 bottle was not only funny, but also provided a painfully accurate account of something that happened at Dark Lord Day.

Precious bottle breaks!
Commit hara-kiri? No–
sip from darkened ground.
Laura Aharrah

And the final winner, who takes home the 2011 bottle, gets the spirit of the beer down pat.

Rich cacophony
of loud, black screaming served in
A sinful snifter
Zach Day

Congrats to everyone and thank you all for a great contest. If you’re a winner, check your inbox shortly for a message from me.