With the weather warming up, we’re entering the heart of beer festival season in St. Louis.  Over the next few months we’ll see a different beer festival almost every other weekend.  With that in mind, here are a few rules that beer lovers should obey:

Beer Festivalgoer Ten Commandments

1. Don’t be an ass.
I can’t even begin to stress how important this rule is. In fact, if everyone just followed this simple rule, almost every single one of these rules below would be unnecessary. It’s just the golden rule, people. Just be cool.

2. Get your beer and move away from the taps.
This rule isn’t that difficult. If you’re not standing in line to get a beer, you’re standing in the way of people trying to get beer.

3. No smoking under a tent.
I’m sure you think your cigar tastes great with that beer, but that doesn’t mean we all enjoy it. Wanna smoke? Be considerate and take it outside the tent.

4. Don’t make this a drinking contest.
Yes, there may be forty beers on the program, but that doesn’t mean you need to try them all. Forty 3oz samples equals ten 12oz beers. You don’t need to drink the equivalent of ten beers in four or five hours time.

5. If someone drops a glass, don’t make that stupid “ohhhh!” noise.
What are you, eight-years-old? Knock it off.

6. Pay attention to your surroundings.
We all get a little looser once we have a couple of beers in us, so, just make sure to pay attention to where you’re swinging those arms. No one likes having beer spilled all over them.

7. Honor the brewers and the beer.
If this event is held at a brewery, then be considerate of their home. They’ve opened their home to you, so show some respect. And speaking of respect, these aren’t beer shots; don’t slam them.

8. Drink some water and eat some food.
Not eating or drinking water at a beer festival is amateur hour. The more water you consume, the more cognizant you are of your surroundings and the beer in your hand.

9. Cut back on the cologne, Casanova.
One of the most important aspects of drinking beer is being able to smell the beer. But I can’t smell my beer if you’ve dumped a gallon of cologne/perfume on. And I know, beer festivals are a great place to meet members of the opposite sex, but they don’t want to smell your cologne or perfume either.

10. Leave your children or animals at home.
With broken glass and stupid drunk people all over the place, this is not a time to bring out either the two or four-legged children.

Stay tuned for tomorrow as I’ll run down a list of things that every festival organizer should look out for as they’re planning an event.