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While we didn’t have as many entries as I was expecting, they were still very amusing. I’m glad that most people got the overall idea behind this contest which was to make me laugh or also to be amazed at your MS Paint abilities.  Before we get to the entries, thanks again to Dan Bostlemann (dbsdelight) for offering up this bottle to give away.

Here are the runners up (with a little commentary):

I appreciate the effort, but too much photograph and not enough MS Paint. Good job, good effort with the meme though.

I’ve actually seen this crying bastard before at DLD, so this scene is all too familiar. But, is that dude on the picnic table dead?

This is very well done and would be an awesome album cover for any 80’s hair band.

While I am pompous, I’m not exactly vain. So, while you’d assume this portrait of me would be right up my alley, I don’t particularly want to look at this eerily accurate MS Paint depiction of myself.

I assume this is what DLD would look like on acid.

This is a lie, this dude cuts the front all of the time.  I know this for a fact.

I believe this is what clinical psychologists would label “nightmare fuel.”

This is pretty awesome. It’s like a cross between Dark Lord, Shredder, and binge drinking.

And the winner is…

Beers attacking bunnies and flowers, lava, brimstone, and sperm falling from the sky. This image has everything. Congrats to Tyler Dumey, you’ve perfectly described every Dark Lord Day I’ve attended.

Thank you all for entering, these were pretty great.

I’ve said this many times, but one of the coolest aspects of the STL Hops community is the fact that it really is a community. People are not only familiar with each other, but they help each other, tease each other, and many of them are now friends. It’s one of the things I’m most proud of.

The vibe at Dark Lord Day at Three Floyds Brewing is not too dissimilar to the vibe at STL Hops events. For the most part, there are really nice people all wanting to share some beer. This year especially, was a lot of fun. In fact, there was a large contingent of people from STL Hops at DLD  this year.

One of those people who got to attend was Dan Bostlemann (dbsdelight). Dan is always looking pay back the generous nature of the STL Hops community and so Dan is offering up a bottle of 2012 Dark Lord for someone to win.

But, as you can tell from the title, this is no ordinary contest.  Rather than just give these bottles away to a random winner, I’ve decided that you’ve got to work for it.  This is an MS Paint contest.

I want you to draw your best image in MS Paint (or the Mac software equivalent) about Dark Lord or Dark Lord Day.  I’ll pick one winner to get one bottle of 2012 Dark Lord. As this will probably be a very popular contest you must exactly follow all of the rules that follow:

  • If you’ve won something from STL Hops in the past 6 months, please be cool and let someone else enter.
  • No multiple entries and only one image per entry. So make that image count.
  • The best image will be at my discretion.
  • You must be 21 or older to enter.
  • You must be able to arrange someone to pick up your bottle, I will not be shipping these.

Email your drawing to contest@stlhops.com with the subject of Dark Lord MS Paint, I’ll be choosing the winner and posting the best entries next Thursday, September 27th at 9AM CDT.  Good luck.

First of all, this is both the best and worst idea I’ve ever had.  If I never have to count out 5-7-5 in my life again, I’ll be happy.  As shown below, some of you either need a lesson in counting or a lesson in syllables.

But overall, this contest did produce some pretty enjoyable haiku. Before we get to the big winners, here are a few I really liked. Unfortunately, while I liked your haiku, you receive nothing but the satisfaction of having it put up here on the front page.

Funny
I will gladly pour
another if someone would
kindly help me stand
JF

Don’t let Scotty win
He’ll just trade it up again
Please give one to Ben
Ben Cowan

World ending rapture
temporarily delayed
Jesus Loves Dark Lord
Rob

The saddest guy at
Dark Lord Day did not hold his
Stout from the bottom
Lana Schroeder

A rule to live by:
Don’t poop on the brewpub floor.
We know who you are.
Alyson Campbell

One beer, one water
Pace yourself to last the day
Don’t hurl in the line
Colleen Goodman

And finally, one kiss-ass:

Dark Lord Day was great
I hung out with Mike Sweeney
He is the coolest
Brett Swanstrom

Funny (But need to learn about syllables)
My anti-Bud Light
and the Chuck Norris of beer.
Would I dare open it?
Kyle

On this day night
My friend asks to watch having sex
For dark lord not allowed
David


Runners-Up
The taste is pleasing
My tongue, its willing mistress
I fear no darkness
Brad Mock

Your haunting legend
Stirs my soul as I await
My dance with darkness
Derek Wakeman

This yearly spring rite
Brings beer lovers to unite
Seeking dark delight
Adam Kaiser

Your depths pervade me
Oh Darkest Lord, my master.
What is thy bidding?
Evan Figg

dark chocolate sludge
vanilla perestroika
t’ain’t your mother’s stout.
Marie Lewis

Altar in Munster
Pilgrims sip on fulfillment
Oh Lord, I have faith
Stephanie Richter

Resurrection nigh
The Russian demon awaits
Annual rebirth
Robert Pesold

The earth trembles, weeps.
In spring reborn; now laid waste,
The Dark Lord risen.
Jeremy Strzynski

Once in waxy sleep,
now pours black as winter’s night
the Dark Lord wakens
Paul Banister

Winners

The winner of the 2008 bottle incorporated not only the best spirit of this contest, but also the best imagery as well.

the Dark Lord cometh!
adumbral flowing river
such lingual delight
Clark Sturdevant

While not the most creative, the winner of the 2009 bottle gets extra credit for writing the haiku in Japanese and then translating it back to English.

黒い卿 (くろいきょう)
Wicked, black, Dark Lord
年一度ダメ (ねんいちどだめ)
Once a year is not enough
一緒飲もう (いっしょのもう)
Let’s drink together
Benn Overkamp

The winner of the 2010 bottle was not only funny, but also provided a painfully accurate account of something that happened at Dark Lord Day.

Precious bottle breaks!
Commit hara-kiri? No–
sip from darkened ground.
Laura Aharrah

And the final winner, who takes home the 2011 bottle, gets the spirit of the beer down pat.

Rich cacophony
of loud, black screaming served in
A sinful snifter
Zach Day


Congrats to everyone and thank you all for a great contest. If you’re a winner, check your inbox shortly for a message from me.

I’ve said this many times, but one of the coolest aspects of the STL Hops community is the fact that it really is a community. People are not only familiar with each other, but they help each other, tease each other, and many of them are now friends. It’s one of the things I’m most proud of.

The vibe at Dark Lord Day at Three Floyds Brewing is not too dissimilar to the vibe at STL Hops events. For the most part, there are really nice people all wanting to share some beer. This year especially, was a lot of fun. In fact, there was a large contingent of people from STL Hops at DLD.

One of those people who got to attend was Dan Bostlemann (dbsdelight). Originally, Dan didn’t have one of the magic tickets to get into DLD, but thanks to the generosity of people from STL Hops, Dan was able to find a ticket and make this his fifth Dark Lord Day in a row.

To repay back the generous nature of the STL Hops community, Dan is offering up a bottle of 2008 and 2010 Dark Lord for a couple of people to win.  The 2008 and 2010 bottles felt a bit lonely, so I’ve added a 2009 and 2011 to go along for the ride.

But, as you can tell from the title, this is no ordinary contest.  Rather than just give these bottles away to a random winner, I’ve decided that you’ve got to work for it.  This is a haiku contest.

I want you to write your best haiku about Dark Lord or Dark Lord Day.  I’ll pick four winners to each get one year out of this vertical (one winner, one bottle.) As this will probably be a very popular contest you must exactly follow all of the rules that follow:

  • If you’ve won something from STL Hops in the past 6 months, please be cool and let someone else enter.
  • Your haiku must be 5/7/5. I’ll be counting.
  • No multiple entries and only one haiku per entry. So make that haiku count.
  • The best haiku will be at my discretion.
  • You must be 21 or older to enter.
  • You must be able to arrange someone to pick up your bottle, I will not be shipping these.

Email your haiku to contest@stlhops.com with the subject of Dark Lord Haiku, I’ll be choosing the winner and posting the best entries next Thursday, June 2nd at 3PM CDT.  Good luck.

Sure there was a little rain at times, but at least this year’s Dark Lord Day was a lovely 70 degrees compared to last year’s 55 degree high. It was a pretty wonderful day to get beer and everyone seemed in much better spirits as you knew you were guaranteed to get beer this year thanks to a golden ticket.

You had the opportunity to try just about every rare beer on the planet thanks to some very generious beer nerds and while I know a lot of people are against the whole Dark Lord idea, the day really is something to behold.  Here are a couple of photos for those of you that couldn’t make it.

dark_lordWell, today’s the big day.  This was the largest contest we’ve ever had for STL Hops and I’m very happy to announce that the winners are Matthew Thenhaus and Adrian Bordeleau.

As for what both of these guys would do for Dark Lord, Matthew said:

“Let’s talk real sacrifice here. For one bottle of Dark Lord, I would give up all other beer for three solid calendar months. And as my soul was dying on that last day, I would drag my hollow frame over to the table, press but a drop of Dark Lord to my lips, and be revived, stronger, happier, alive again for the first time. Then I’d take all the other, less worthy imperial stouts in my cellar and make milkshakes with them and give them out to the homeless. “

What would Adrian do for some Dark Lord?

“Wow – for an opportunity to own and eventually consume a bottle of Dark Lord – I would go on a two week beer fast and document it with an exclusive online video piece for your site.

Luckily for them, they don’t have to follow up on their promises on what they’d do for Dark Lord.  Congrats to both of these guys and thanks everyone for entering.  We’ll have another contest again soon.

dark_lordYes, that’s right. I’m giving away two bottles of the much sought-after beer from Three Floyds Brewing, Dark Lord.  Now, there are some rules for this contest:

  1. You have to live in the St. Louis Metro area.  I’m not shipping this beer, we’ll meet at a mutually-agreed location and you’ll get your beer.
  2. You have to be 21 years of age.  Duh.
  3. If you already have some 09 Dark Lord, please do not enter this contest.  I’m trying to open this open to people who didn’t have a chance to buy the beer.
  4. Please don’t sell this bottle after receiving it.  This is coming straight out of my allotment which means right out of my pocket.
  5. There will be two winners, so I can spread the love.

If you’re interested in winning a chance to own one of the most coveted beers in the world, email contest@stlhops.com with a subject of “Dark Lord” and tell me what you’re willing to do to own this beer. I have a feeling we’ll have a lot of people interested in winning so I’ll be randomly drawing two winners for a single bottle each on Monday, May 4th at 9AM.