Let’s sit down and talk about labels some more, shall we? This time, we’ll keep it local with the recently released Perennial Savant Beersel.

Perennial Savant Beersel

Have you noticed that a lot of Perennial’s labels look like paisley wallpaper from the ’70s? That’s an interesting motif to stick to, considering that this a popular pattern among serial killers. This is an important fact to know. If you ever walk into a house that still has ’70s paisley wallpaper, run out of there as fast as possible, because that person is probably a serial killer.

With the use of purple and the paisley pattern grape vines, you can tell they want to emphasize that this beer is made with grapes. There is so much purple though, that I have to assume this beer is going to taste like grape juice. I’m not saying that’s a good or bad thing, you just have to be in the mood for grape beer I guess.

By the way, if you walk into a house with paisley wallpaper, and were not frightened enough to run out immediately, check the refrigerator. If there is grape juice in there, this mother fucker is a serial killer and he’s probably right behind you with a pair of scissors. RUN!! This is another important fact: serial killers love grape juice.

In the middle of the label is, what appears to be, the name of this beer: “Savant Beersel.” Obviously, this means absolutely nothing in English. However, if you’re French, you would translate this to “Scientist Beer Salt” and be even more confused. What does a beer salt scientist have to do with this beer? What is a beer salt scientist? What is beer salt?

Should I pour salt on the beer after I pour it into my glass because it will make an awesome kitchen volcano like when I combine vinegar with baking soda? Or is this some sort of trick where scientists have discovered that grape juice beer mixed with salt affects your brain in a way that you become a serial killer? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PERENNIAL?!?

In fact, I’m almost positive that everyone in “I Am Legend” was infected with brettanomyces. So if you wanted further proof that Perennial is trying to turn you into a serial killer and/or zombie vampire, there it is. Since I have no desire in being either of these things, I’m just going to put this beer back and go for something a little more laid back.

1.3 / 10 on the Buyability Scaleâ„¢.