If you’re expecting to learn anything about the label making process or what makes a good label, stop reading now. If you’re still here, let’s take a look at what makes Kräftig Lager tick.

Kraftig Label

I’m a little confused by this label because it says St Louis, MO, but that is clearly a German word. Isn’t there some sort of law that everything on our food and drink has to be in English? I mean, how in the hell are we, as Americans, supposed to know what this means? What if Krätig means AIDS? I doubt anyone knows what it really means.

And what’s up with those balls above the letter ‘a’? I guess Germans got so bored with the alphabet that they just started making up new letters. Oh, look at me, I’m German and the letter ‘a’ just isn’t good enough for me anymore. FUCK YOU GERMAN! Just stick with the 26 letters God gave us.

You know it won’t be long until some fucking hipsters start making up their own letters for the English language. One day, you’ll walk into some hipster restaurant and, on the menu, you’ll see an O without the hole. Maybe you’ll see a backwards C with some stupid glasses on it or an H with a handlebar mustache. I don’t know, I don’t think in hipster.

It’s also interesting to note that they may have unconsciously decided that they didn’t want Jewish people drinking this beer by putting that German word on there. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but the Jews have a history with Germans. A history such that I’m often surprised to see Jewish people supporting German companies.

You ever see a Jewish guy in a BMW or wearing Adidas or signing up for a T-Mobile plan? I once saw a nice Jewish lady eating a bratwurst WITH SAUERKRAUT! That just blows my mind. Maybe she did it as a symbol. Forgiveness, right? I don’t know about that. You’ll never find me eating poutine because I’ll never forgive Canada for this shit.

So there you have it. Quite possibly the most uninformative label out there. All we know is that we’re getting a German, hipster, possibly racist lager, that may or may not have AIDS in it. I think I’ll pass.

0.8 / 10 on the Buyability Scale™.