If you’re looking for a complex analysis of what a good beer label looks like, you’ve come to the wrong place. Today we’re going to take a look at Green Flash West Coast IPA.

Green Flash West Coast IPA

You know, sometimes, a label doesn’t have to have a bunch of crazy shit going on to catch your attention. Sometimes, just a simple label with one color, a logo, and some words does the job. Green Flash doesn’t even bother giving it a stupid name either, just West Coast IPA. I like IPAs. I like the west coast. I’m intrigued.

When the weather is as miserable as it has been, you look for anything to get your mind off of it. For me, that includes periodically checking the weather in San Diego. Have you been to San Diego? The weather there is perfect. You know how pissed you are that it’s 110 degrees for 30 straight days? People in San Diego freak the fuck out when it’s 85 for 1 day.

And the cold? There’s no reason to own a jacket in San Diego, yet if the temperature drops into the 50s, you can guarantee that people are going to be dressed like they’re fucking Edmund Hillary climbing Mt. Everest. So, other than those 10 days a year when it’s a little too hot or a little too cold, the weather is beautiful. There’s a reason why it was voted best place to publicly masturbate.

Even the name of the brewery, Green Flash, gets my mind off the heat. It makes me think of sitting on the beach on the west coast, staring at the sun with my binoculars and waiting for it to turn green. They say if you see a green flash, it means God has diarrhea. I don’t know whether to believe that or not (Do they have Taco Bell in heaven?), but it won’t keep me from trying to see one.

By not covering the label with a bunch of stupid pictures and drawings, Green Flash left plenty of room to tell us a little about the beer. Words like “zest”, “pungency” and “multi-dimensional” really turn me on. And what about being “extravagantly hopped”? I just imagine 4 midgets, dipped in gold, carrying all the hops for each batch on a platter made of Edvard Munch’s The Scream, while Elton John is in the corner playing “Rocket Man” over and over.

How could you not buy this beer? It makes you think of all kinds of things that makes a person happy: the beach, cool temperatures, midgets, and jackin’ it. In fact, I think I’m going to grab a sixer of this and find a way to incorporate all of these things into one big sexy party. (By myself. On my couch. When my wife is gone shopping.)

8.7 / 10 on the Buyability Scale™.