Welcome STL Hops’ newest advice column: “Ask Cubby.” For those of you that may not frequent the forums, cubby_swans is one of the oldest and most vocal curmudgeons on STL Hops. He’s now here to give you a little advice and possibly a swift kick in the teeth. If you have a question for Cubby, you can reach him at cubby@stlhops.com.

Dear Cubby,

I pick up pint glasses when I visit breweries throughout the country.  I acquired one from Free State which is quite heavy because of thick glass and when I measured the volume capacity it only equals 14 fluid ounces.  What are your thoughts on these 14oz. pints?

Thanks, Feeling Fucked By Free State

Dear FFFS,

I think you’ll find that most places are offering ‘xxx beer: $5 or thereabouts’, and not advertising a “pint” for that cost (unless they actually have pint-sized glasses).  I think the main problem here is the consumer sees a common shaker style glass and thinks it’s a pint glass.  Well, the consumer (you in this case) is wrong.  The style of glass you are looking at is called a shaker glass.  A pint glass is not a style of glass.  A pint is a size/volume of a container.

Do you walk around with a 32oz mug and say “Hey guys, check out my cool quart glass!  Those assholes over there are selling 28oz double pints.  Can you believe that bullshit?”  What about a 10oz snifter?  Do you call that a 1.25 cup glass?  I think every beer nerd out there needs to take a class on volumes/units of measurement or something like that.  There is no such thing as a 14oz pint glass.

I have this app on my phone and no matter how many times I plug in the numbers, it tells me a pint is 16oz.  It doesn’t matter if the glass is a shaker, a tulip, a goblet, or a tupperware bowl.  It’s not a pint glass unless it contains 16oz of liquid exactly.  You’re the one calling these pint glasses.  So basically you’re fucking yourself into believing that you’re buying more than what the establishment is offering.

I checked out Free State’s website, and under the beer section and various ways you can order their tasty beers, they state this under “The Glass” section:

This is without a doubt, the time honored, true way to best enjoy Free State beer. Order a beer, and it will most likely be served in the traditional, clear 14 or 10 oz. glass. We also have 16 oz. pilsner glasses for our lighter beers, such as traditional favorite Wheat State Golden. Seasonal beers are often served in our attractive, symmetrical snifters.

So they are pretty much telling you they are giving you a 14oz glass.  You have simply chosen not to educate yourself as a consumer.  Feeling Fucked By Free State, I believe you owe Free State an apology.

If an establishment is advertising on their menu or chalkboard or whatever xxx pint – Y$, and giving you a 14oz glass.  Then you are being fucked.  That’s probably illegal in most states.  Otherwise it’s your own damn fault.